Monday, February 6, 2012

Baby Steps

That's what I'm taking right now. Baby steps.

I miss my mom terribly lately. It seems that since I've been off the anti-depressants, my ability to feel emotion is slowly returning and bringing with it the loss of my mother. I think though that it will someday bring me peace and closure.

Not today though. Today, my stepdad Kim passed away from cancer too. Today, is not a good day to look for peace in my soul. I feel terrible for Leona (my biological mom) and my sister (who lived with them and knew him way better than I did). Today, I feel raw and poisoned. Today, I hate, I am sad, and I am very mad.

Cancer. What a horrible joke to play on mankind. Lets give them technology, cell phones, food preservatives, fast food .... but then lets make it cause cancer too. Mean, cruel - not funny one bit. God, please don't let me ever get cancer and have my children feel the way I do right now.


I couldn't help her, there was no cure, no treatment that was worth taking, no hope. She got cancer and she died.


And then Kim, well he tried the treatment, the chemo that made him sick, the radiation that fried his brain and took him away well before the cancer could, the surgery that did nothing but cause him more pain. That is no cure, no treatment, no way to live your final days. He got cancer and he fought and he still died.


That is what cancer causes. Helplessness.

Maybe tomorrow, I can start to heal ... but today I am back at step 1. I will mourn.

1 comment:

  1. Just wanted to send you a virtual hug, as nothing I can say can make you feel better. I am so with you on your feelings about cancer, my father-in-law died from cancer a few years ago, and there was nothing anybody could do to stop it.