Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Behind

Boy am I behind on this thing. I feel really bad about it since this is suppose to be my way of dealing through my emotions of depression and such but it's sometimes really hard to do so. Everything is going pretty good with me and the family. Dax is growing up so fast.


I can't believe that he's 13 months old already. I made the little hat that's on his head - isn't it just too cute!!
Kaylee's maturing into a special young lady. She's really starting to show her independence. Sometimes I really wish for my little girl back but then I remember what wonderful things the future will have for her and I'm excited to move forward with her.
I really must make an effort to blog something everyday. It always makes me feel better when I do and right now I need all the feel better I can get.

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Thursday, October 20, 2011

Happy 1st Birthday!

My "baby" turned one today. It was a great day. I can't believe how far we've come and how much has happened in one short year. One year ago to this moment, I was sitting in my hospital room waiting to go see my baby in the NICU. One year ago, at this moment, I was terrified like I've never been before, and hopefully ever will be again. We've gone from a horrible pregnancy, a scary birth, NICU stay, breastfeeding problems, colic, hypoallergenic formula, teething nightmares, clingy baby syndrome, and waking up every couple hours through the night, to a relatively happy, cute, fun and playful "toddler". Sometimes, I wish I had my little baby back, then I remember everything we've been through to get here, and I realize I'm happy exactly where I am, right now. I love you my baby boy! Can't wait to see what the next year has in store.












Mmmmm mommy's cake is yummy!!


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Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Completely defeated

I feel disgusted with myself. I remember when I was a child it seemed that I could never do anything right by my parents. Well now, I'm starting to feel that way with my husband. I just can't win, and I just can't shake this funk that I'm in. We fight about money all the time. I spend money foolishly, I know, and I have to get a grip on myself but he's so hard on me. I also know that money has been tight since I've been off work and it will be a while until we catch back up. I'm also knowledgeable that we are going to Paris in a few week and we need to save some spending money. But ... He has to understand that it's my baby's first birthday and I want to celebrate! We've been so fortunate that everything turned out well in our lives when it could have been totally opposite. I want to acknowledge that and celebrate his little life so far. All I get is grief. It sucks. I got so upset today that I cut up my own bankcard and told him that at least that way we would have no reason to fight anymore.

The stupidest part about this whole thing is that I don't really care all that much. I know that sounds off because I just vented about it but it's true. I'm mad, because that how I should feel but I don't really care. Unfortunately, there's many things in my life right now that I just don't care about. I think what's happening is that when my mom was sick and dying I put up walls around myself to protect me and now that she's gone, I'm having a hard time taking the walls down. I'm numb. Most of the time I just do things and I don't really care. It feels weird. Maybe this is the new me. The calm, non-crying, emotionless me. I guess only time will tell.


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Saturday, October 15, 2011

Back to work

I'm back now in my old rotation, same as I was a year and a half ago when I started this adventure. It is amazing what has changed and even more amazing what has stayed the same. So many things need to be changed in the wonderful world of nursing. Still overworked with too many patients, not enough staff, not enough room, and honestly, too many bosses. In the end though, I'm darn happy to be back, no kids, no chores, no house to clean and mist importantly ... other adults to talk to. Yay!!


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Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Going to be 1 soon ...

... and I cannot wait. I have his invitations all made and they're soooo cute!! Here's the front picture
The finished card says "This little monster is turning one" on the front and then inside it says "Come watch the destruction" and the birthday info. This is also his Halloween costume. Gotta love Costco.

I'm making his cake and all the treats. He has a few little friends coming and the rest are family. I think it's going to be pretty fun.

Another exciting side dish to this post .... I think I'm going to PARIS in a few weeks. OMG!!! Scott has a business trip there and there's no way he's going without me - LOL! I really just have to come up with the flight and spending money. YAY!!!!

And lastly - I'm back to work tomorrow. Maternity leave is officially over and it's time to go back to the grind. Blah! But oh well. The wage difference between me working and me being on EI is huge so it will be nice come payday.

Well that's it for my all over the place post today.

Monday, October 10, 2011

On my way home

It's been a busy few weeks in my life. My mom's funeral was on the 3rd. It was beautiful and she would have been so happy to be honored the way she was. After that, in my grief, the days turned one into the other. This thanksgiving weekend, the family and I took off for Calgary to get away from it all. We had a great time. My in-laws and I took the kids to the zoo in Saturday, and Scott and I then took them to calaway park (amusement park) yesterday. They had so much fun!!!






We stayed at Scott's brothers house. They have a new baby and she's so sweet. Sweet little Emily is 2 weeks old. I think I'm getting very anxious to have another one. Now we're on our way home. Kaylee is coming back with the in-laws and Dax is having a great nap.



What a cutie!


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Thursday, September 29, 2011

Cancer

After a long, painful battle with cancer, my mom was finally released from her suffering yesterday. I will miss her forever, but am so relieved that she's in heaven now.

Love you mommy!!


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Friday, September 23, 2011

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Even after all that

I still lost weight. Yay! In the 10 days since I started my diet I've lost a total of 6 lbs. I'm so excited about that! I was so worried that being at the hospital and not eating the healthiest while there was going to bite me in the butt. But I survived it.

Dax has been such a cutie in the past couple days. I can really tell that he's feeling better. He's such a goofy baby. Boy, do I love that little guy.




I think the whole family is going to head home this weekend to see mom. Can't wait to see her again.


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Feeling better

I'm feeling much, much better but that is the only thing good about this week.

Scott, got sick at the same time and then Dax wasn't feeling the best either. Kaylee woke up on Tuesday morning with a sore throat and I just thought that could be all that I could possibly handle in one day. Then shortly after I get a text from my sister that I should make arrangements to come and spend some time with my mom since they moved her to palliative care and it looks like she's going downhill quickly. She's still hanging in there so far and I've stayed at the hospital with her for a few days. I will blog more about my hospital stay and all that in a future post.

Sorry that this is all over the place but I have a job interview in an hour and I'm NERVOUS!! Wish me luck!

Friday, September 16, 2011

Arg ... This sucks!!

I'm sick :0(

I have a nasty flu. Sore throat, itchy nose, eyes and ears, chills and so on .... So, that means that I should have stayed home and rested - right?? Nope ... not me. I guess I'm a trooper - or at least my husband thinks so. We left the house today at 9:30 and "shopped" or "gallivanted" all day long. We didn't get home until 5:00. Real good resting day for my cold.

It was a great day though other than the sick part. We did some shopping, went out for a nice lunch (where I followed my diet well) and then got some awesome deals at the blockbuster movie stores that are going out of business. It was great. I always love a good bargain.

Diet is going good. I did cheat a bit tonight (bad me) as I had a scoop of ice cream after dinner. Hopefully it won't show in my weigh in tomorrow (but with my luck it will). Guess we'll know soon enough ....



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Thursday, September 15, 2011

So is it really worth it??

Well I just had my first weigh-in. I'm at day 3 right now and really questioning if this is worth it? Is it the right time for me (because of my mom and the fact that I like to eat my emotions)? Is it going to help at all? I went into the weigh-in today with all those questions and the answer is ....

YES!!!!

In 3 days I have already lost 2.5 lbs. That's over 1 kg!!! In 3 days. I remember last time I did this program I lost 6 lbs in the first week and I'm gearing up to do the same this time. Yeah me!!!

I am struggling though. It's hard going from limitless food intake to 1100 calories a day. Snacking is a huge issue for me but I'm managing to stay away from the temptations. I think that the reason why I'm so successful with this program is that the recipes are so good you don't even feel like you're on a diet. Tonight for dinner I had a huge taco salad with all the fixings and it was only 400 calories. It was great!!! I can't wait until next week though when I get to introduce a snack into my day and raise my caloric intake to 1300.


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Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Day 2

I'm HUNGRY!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ahhhhh ... 1100 calories a day is not enough for me!!!  I normally enjoy snacking on all kinds of things at pretty much all hours of the day. We have all kinds of healthy and junky snacks in the house. I miss my snacking! This is really hard!!

Honestly though - I'm not sure if I'm really hungry or if it's a combination of boredom, habit and a terrible carb addiction. I know right now it's hard but I also know from experience that it will get easier and it will get better .... AND I will look fabulous when I'm all done.

P.S. I realised that my "wordless wednesday" yesterday was actually posted on Tuesday. Maybe next week I will get it right.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Wordless Wednesday

I'm stealing this from a fellow blogger ... Great idea! Thanks!!











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1 day down ... too many to count left to go

The dreaded first day of the diet is down and it wasn't too too bad. I've had better days by far but considering everything else that happened today - the diet was the least of my worries.

My mom is back in the hospital again. Hopefully it's just for a few days and she can get strong enough to go back home. I'm saying that because I'm hoping for the best but I know that she is not going to get better. I just don't want her to suffer and I can already see in her eyes that's she's miserable. I wish there was anything I could do to make it better. But I can't. It sucks!!




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Monday, September 12, 2011

The next 24 weeks ....

I'm tired of being ... well tired. I have no energy, am bored all the time, find no excitement in anything and just want to curl up on the couch and do nothing. This has been me for the past several months. Between thyroid issues, ppd, and a major weight gain that I just can't come back from, I've had it. I NEED to do something ... and so I shall. For the next 24 weeks I will be on a strict diet and lifestyle change. I know this will work to regain my self esteem and energy because I have done it before and it worked well. Only thing was that I got pregnant before I was finished. Now I'm going to finish it. Wish me luck .....

Sunday, July 31, 2011

Long weekend

Hope everyone is enjoying their long weekend. The weather here has been beautiful and it's a shame that we weren't able to spend it out in our motorhome. We did get a lot accomplished though so I guess that makes up for it. I'm not entirely sure that Scott enjoyed his first week camping so I think that he is procrastinating going back out - but he'll never admit that. We did just spend a few grand on the motorhome a month ago so we really should use it (well my parents did anyway). I think I'll get it all ready and just pick a week, grab the kids and we'll head out. I do plan on going to spend some time with my parents if my mom's health takes any turn for the worst. I think it'll be really good for us all to spend some time together.

We still do not have any more news on my mom's condition or prognosis yet. Hopefully this coming week we will know something more.

Tomorrow is Scott's birthday. I hate this time of year (or any time that I have to shop for him) because he is the hardest person to shop for. He is the type that when he wants something he will just go out and buy it right away plus he's very picky too. This year I have bought him nothing so far and his birthday is in 54 minutes. I hope that I have an epiphany while I'm sleeping tonight. LoL!! Wish me luck ...

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Monday, July 25, 2011

I had a bad day :0(

I woke up this morning and I felt really great. I was well rested, energized and ready to tackle the cleaning that was severely needed in my home. I got off to a great start. I figured that if I started with the kitchen, I should be able to finish that before my doctor's appointment. Dax went down for a nap early and everything was going good.
Kitchen done, diaper bag ready, and all set to go to the doctor ... I wake Dax up - he was even in a pretty good mood. Put him in the car seat and off we go. Or not!!! Last night when we went to Scott's parents house I had put my keys in the backseat of his car and I must have left them there. Shitty. Oh well. I just rescheduled the appointment. Sucks that I woke Dax up but I can bounce back from this (I find it hard to recover from things lately due to the post partum depression). So I start cleaning the motorhome and the garage. Things still looking good. Dax is in a good mood and I'm cruising along.
My mom has a doctor's appointment at 2:00. I'm keeping an eye on the clock because I'm suppose to get a phone call from Doris with the prognosis. The appointment is about the results of my mom's CT scan. Finally at 3ish I get this text
" Im going to the casino with mom & dad, her appointment was not very good its spreading may be stage 4 she probably have to have chemo. I'll call u when I get home"
Wow that sucked. Not a lot of info there. Maybe it isn't as bad as it sounds. I mean if they're gonna do chemo then maybe it's just spread a little bit.
Skip ahead an hour and a bit. I finally get a call from Kaylee - yeah my 9 year old daughter - asking me if I've heard the news yet. I really didn't need to hear that she knew more about the appointment than I did.
Well that's how my great day turned really bad ...
The diagnosis -
The melanoma that was diagnosed just a little over a year ago is now stage 4 malignant melanoma with metastasis in the lung, liver, kidney, and spine. My mom is full of cancer and I am now going to have to watch the most wonderful mom, grandma, great-grandma, wife, sister and dear friend die one of the most agonizing deaths there are. This woman would literally do anything for anyone - even complete strangers. She has such a caring heart and loves everyone. Thus is going to be the hardest thing that I have ever had to endure. She's my mom, my rock, and my best friend. All I can do now is pray that God takes her home with Him quietly and without a fuss so she does not feel any pain.


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Wednesday, July 20, 2011

9 months

It's been a while since I posted and I really need to try harder. A lot has happened in the past month and a half but at the same time nothing has happened at all. Just life, passing by like the blink of an eye. I cannot believe that my little monster is 9 months old today! It's crazy. He's just getting so big! He's crawling around, getting into everything, and teething so badly. I can't wait until those teeth come in.



He's a real little cutie!

Happy 9 months sweetheart!


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Friday, June 3, 2011

The tutu

I'm such a mean mom. I make tutus and they are just too cute! It almost (almost) makes me wish I had a little baby girl - lol. I've made a couple really cute ones and I've had no one to model them for me ....




... do you think he will ever forgive me for posting this on the Internet?


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Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Still Kickin'

Yup, I'm still here .... haven't kicked the bucket or anything. Just been really busy with life in general, plus dealing with the emotions of PPD.

Daxon is now sitting up on his own and is growing so fast. It's almost unbelievable how much they learn in the first year. I wish he would slow down a bit, but on the other hand I cannot wait to see what he will learn next.

Kaylee is being her regular big ray of sunshine self like usual - lol. Jk. She's a lot of fun and we have been getting along much better.

I'm taking a few pictures of another baby tomorrow and can't wait to do it. He's such a little cutie. I did some a few weeks back and they turned out so cute. I will post the pictures on my other blog soon (my photography one that I'm currently in the process of setting up).

I got a phone call from my doctor tonight about the bloodwork that I had done along with my yearly physical. It turns out that my thyroid function is low and that I need to be on another medication now. It's OK though - This diagnosis makes all my symptoms make sense. I've gained a lot of weight in the last month, plus am really sleepy all the time and the depression.... yup, makes sense. I'm a little worried about why it would be low when it never has been before but am trying not to make a bit deal about it.

Well that's my update for now. I will post a few pictures soon.

Friday, May 6, 2011

Bad Blogger

I know that I've been a terrible blogger lately and I'm sorry. I don't really have any real excuse for it either. I have been starting to feel better since I started on anti-depressants about 2 weeks ago now. Wait a minute .... yeah you read right. I finally decided after many months of crying, unhappiness with everything around me, no energy to do anything at all and just plain old yuckiness to bite the bullet and try it out. Well it is working wonderfully and I'm so happy that I did it. It's not all peaches and cream since I do have some of the side effects but it's getting better. I don't like the idea that I'm relying on a medication to be happy and energetic but it's so much better than the alternative. I'm sure it won't be forever also.

Dax is growing so big lately and it seems that I can't even keep up anymore. He's not sitting up on his own yet but he's close and he's starting to creep around the living room on his tummy. It's pretty cute! He's also been nicknamed "baby destructo" because that is exactly what he is. If he can get his hands on it ... beware! Here's a good example

Kaylee is doing better. We still have a long way to go but it's a start. She has some appointments in the future and hopefully they will help! The teachers went on strike yesterday here and they staged a one day walkout so no child in Saskatchewan had school yesterday. It was ok with me as I really think that the teachers here should get what they are asking for. They should at least be paid what other teachers in Canada get paid. Go teachers GO!!!!

I have my first photography gig this weekend and I'm really looking forward to it. I'm taking Kaylee's synchro club photos. Woohoo! I will let you know how it goes. I also have a few mom's from my baby talk group that are going to let me take their baby's pictures. Yay! I'm a little nervous about all of it though ... wish me luck!

Monday, April 25, 2011

New adventure

Fittingly the name of my blog is Adventures with tiny toes so I'm going to send my little one on an adventure. I got this idea from one of my blogger friends (I really hope you don't mind). I will try to be as original as possible but she has a few that I absolutely adore!! ~Enjoy~
Let the adventure begin....
Look Mommy - I found the Easter bunny as I was bouncing along the countryside!!

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Sleep

As a nurse, I'm used to the sleepless nights, long hours, and absolute exhaustion. It's odd though that the sleeplessness that you get from parenting is so much different and seemingly, so much worst. Maybe it's the fact that you can be sleeping but aren't that makes the difference, or that you are sitting there in the dark wishing that your baby would just suck on that soother and fall back asleep, or maybe it's the jealousy of listening to your husband snoring away in the next room that makes it so bad. It's probably all of it ... plus more. Dax is a bad sleeper. I'm not sure why. He used to be great and then the infamous 4 month sleep regression occurred and that's history. It really sucks! I love my sleep!! Even napping for the little bugger (said with all the love in the world) is touch and go. He will not nap for more than 30 minutes unless it's in his swing and I hate that. I've been trying to put him in his crib for all his naps but I really need a break and I cave every time. Someday (soon) I will just have to go for it and put my foot down when it comes to his sleep ... those bad habits are not going to fix themselves.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Photo Fun

Just having a little fun with my photograghy.

I think I'm just about ready to start taking pictures of other people. I think this is going to be a great hobby. Starting very soon I'm going to be starting my 365 day photography challenge where I have to take a picture everyday! It will be hard but I'm gonna do my best and I will try to post one everyday also. Should be fun!

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Scarlett

As many of you know (because you click on the link from my siggy), I am part of an online community of moms from all over Canada and also the U.S. In my U.S. October baby club there is a baby named Scarlett who is battling a very aggressive form of brain cancer. You can read her whole story here. She's currently undergoing chemo and they found out yesterday that she has an infection and needs surgery. Please, PLEASE, pray for her and her family that the antibiotics start to work and the surgery goes well. I cannot imagine what her parents must be going through right now. They have all fought so hard and have been through so much!

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Dax and Sophie

I think he likes it!

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Getting back to "normal"

We're starting to get back to what our version of normal was/is. Dax is feeling much better now however he's still not sleeping very good at night. Yesterday was a really good day for him. He was happy and playing most of the day. He's really starting to interact with his toys and the world around him. I bought him a few new toys yesterday and he loves them. I also bought him a Sophie the Giraffe teething toy (looks and feels just like a dog's chew toy). I've heard that it's a must for a teething baby. I was apprehensive to buy him one because of some reviews that says that Sophie is a choking hazard and I'm not one to buy something just because "everyones" got one. In the end it was an asparagus spear that made the decision for me. LoL. Scott's mom made some asparagus on Sunday and we gave him a spear to chew on. It was so cute. He went a little crazy on it and I had a really hard time getting it away from him. I wish we would have taken a video of it because it was priceless. But getting back to Sophie ... the asparagus spear and Sophie's legs are about the same size. So I took a bit of a gamble and spent the 21.99 (outrageous amount for a chew toy) to see if it would do the trick. Jury's still out ...

Monday, April 11, 2011

RIP

My uncle passed away at 6:45 this morning. It's sad but also a blessing. He was suffering so much.

Love you uncle Henry.

Saturday, April 9, 2011

Recovering

Just a quick shout out to let you all know that we are doing much better today. Yesterday was a tough day as we spend 3 hours in the doctor's office just for him to tell me that I'm doing a fine job and to give Dax a prescription for a steroid that I just don't feel comfortable giving him. I think that was the most wasteful 3 hours of my life. Especially because I had to keep a sick baby entertained the whole time.

My uncle is also still hanging in there. It's both a blessing and not. I guess they really just aren't quite ready for him in heaven.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Medical day

We're back home now after a fairly eventful morning. At 4am Dax was pretty sick. He was wheezing badly and it took me a while to get him back to sleep but we managed it. Middle of the night trip to the ER - avoided! After getting up several times to give him his soother between 5-6, I gave in and brought him down and let him sleep in the swing. We all got up and dressed and just as I was about to drive Kaylee to school and Dax to the doctor my dad called and said that my uncle was very sick and they didn't expect him to live long.

Change of plans - Hopped in the car to the doctor's office where it has been decided for now that Dax has an ear and throat infection plus either bronchitis or pneumonia. Poor boy. I've never seen him like this and it still scares me to watch him struggle to breathe. I don't know why they say it's ok to immunize your children as long as they don't have a fever. The doctor today was a newer grad from South Africa and he shook his head and said that he doesn't understand why they would trigger an artificial immune response (immunization) when the immune system is already busy with something else (in this case upper respiratory/ear/throat infection). Makes sense - lesson learned! Will NEVER do that again.

Then all 3 of us were off to the hospital to say hi (and most likely goodbye) to our sweet uncle. He's 87 years old and just the nicest man you could ever know. He's on the unit that I work on. It's kinda nice to be able to go there and know that the nurses looking after him are great. I miss work sometimes and it's refreshing to pop in once in a while (plus it's nice to know that I'm still loved and missed at work). We visited for a while and I helped get him all cosy and comfy then it was time to bring Kaylee to school. I guess after I helped reposition him, and rub his back, legs and feet with lotion, he feel asleep for a few hours. He looked so uncomfortable that I'm glad I was able to help him feel better even for just a short while. My parents are still there and I haven't heard anything so he must still be hanging on. It's so very sad to see him suffer so much after such a long and wonderful life ... "Go be with Aunty Eddie and all the angels - I believe their ready for you ... Love you so much!"

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Sick

He's so sick! My poor boy. He's sleeping in his carseat right now that's place in his crib and I'm watching him breathe on the video monitor. He's wheezing pretty bad. I just want to get through the night and I'll bring him to the doctor in the morning. I really hope I didn't do this to him by bringing him for his shots. I feel really badly.


This is a picture of him from earlier. So sad :0(


Immunizations

I hate these days. The ones where I have to bring in my perfectly healthy child (ok - in this case he had a cough - but that's it) and inject them with painful, burning, gross viruses. Isn't that what we try to protect them from - viruses? And then we take them in and put them directly into their bodies. I know, I know, it's the right thing to do. It will keep them safe from the nasty bugs that are way worst than the couple days of fever and unhappiness that goes with the shots. It still sucks! I know he will be ok and actually better off in the long run but for right now he is miserable. He has a fever and a bad cough. Not sure if the fever is from the cough or the shots and I guess we will never know. Only thing to do is to hug, cuddle and give lots of tylenol and motrin. He was up every 45-60 mins last night so that makes me miserable too. Fun stuff!!

Before we went for the needles I needed to go to Costco to get a few things. LOL! Yeah right ... a few things ....

I almost lost him in all the groceries. I had quite a few people comment on the baby hiding in the cart. He's just too darned cute!!

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Update

I guess I should have updated after my last post. The surgery went fine and Scott has been nice and whiny (LOL) ever since. Really though - I'm pretty happy about the whole outcome. He's just about healed and seems to be dealing with the pain a bit better now.

Dax on the other hand, is so sore and cranky. Those darned teeth haven't come through yet so that is bothering him. He has a really bad cough too. He cough, then chokes and then panics because he can't breathe. It sucks. And then on top of all that - he had his 4 month immunizations today. Poor boy :0(  He cried so hard. Breaks my heart. He's 15lb, 12oz  and I forgot to ask how long he is now. I think it's on my sheet upstairs.

Here's my boys favorite chew toy!

Monday, March 28, 2011

Wednesday

Scott has a minor surgery on Wednesday but he still needs to be "put under" for it and I hate that. It scares me. I know he doesn't have any allergy to anesthetics because he's had a major surgery in the past but still ... he's my babe. I'm sure all will be totally fine though and it will all be for the best. I really shouldn't worry. The stars align for that man. Everything always goes his way/works out perfect for him. It's so annoying sometimes, especially because I have such bad luck. Well they do say opposites attract - in our case, that is so true!

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Happy 5 months Daxon!

A few days late ... oops!


HaHa! This one Scott set up. LoL!

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Still here

But really busy. It's no excuse really but I'm going to use it anyway. That's life with a baby and a tween.

March madness is on and I LOVE it. Not that I'm a huge basketball fan or anything (I actually never watch it other than in march). I love it because of all the contests to enter. I'm currently in 4 of them. I'm not a huge sports fan but my husband has realized that I have a great competitive spirit so he has me enter all the sports fantasy pools and contests and then I will watch the games to see how I'm doing. I usually do better than him so I like it. Lol.

Update on the online poker - my beginners lucky streak has ended and I'm now on the negative side of my $10 deposit. :0( Soon to be no more online poker for me. Hope my luck changes soon - or I get better at playing.

Kaylee is seeing a bunch of councellors and such. She's also taking her new meds twice a day now so hopefully things will start to look up for her soon.

Daxon has good days and bad days. His good days are mostly on the weekends when Scott is home so he thinks that I'm nuts when I say that Dax is crying for hours on end. Lol. Isn't that just typical. Today is a good day though. We had baby talk time at the library this morning and he's starting to get used to it and like it (I think). I like the interaction with the ore moms and babies. He's also starting to sprout an eye tooth. I thought babies were suppose to grow the bottom front ones first but my babe has never done anything normally so this doesn't surprise me at all.

I'm tired but I don't think that's anything new for me. I do think it's nap time though. Ninight.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Lots going on

I have a ton of things happening right now and that we just got through.

Kaylee's birthday was last weekend. It was a lot of fun and I'm gonna give it it's own post with lots of pictures.

Kaylee's neurologist appointment was on Monday. It went fairly well other than the fact that I didn't get someone else to watch Dax and he was fussy so it made it all a little harder to deal with. They did a thourough neuro exam and asked a lot of questions. The diagnosis: migraines. She is a 9 year old girl suffering from migraines. The doc thinks that the numbness in her face is an aura but the timing of them (being after the headache) isn't typical with the diagnosis so they are also doing an MRI. It's also thought that her stomach aches and behavior changes may be due to or coresponding with the migraines. All I know about her behavior is that it's getting so much worst and I am suffering a lot of anxiety due to it. Add the diagnosis and everything and I'm not doing so well. She's also going to be referred to a pediatric phychiatrist for evaluation. I'm happy about that. Kaylee's been called a bully at school due to her mood swings and temper. I'd love for a professional to look into it and help her out.

Dax is now fully on solid foods and regular formula and I'm happy about both decisions. I even made my own baby food yesterday (carrots). We started him on baby cereal, then bananas, pears and now carrots. So far he's loved everything. I just adore the way he makes cute little yum sounds when he eats and the way he licks his lips and opens his mouth for more. He's now eating 3 times a day and gets so excited when I put him in his highchair. He's also still drinking his bottle 5-6 times a day and 1-2 times at night. Hard to believe he's only in the 25th percentile for weight. Lol. We changed his formula too. He was on a lactose free formula but since the chances of an infant of having a true lactose intolerance are very low and that he's now on solids helped me make the decision to switch. He's now on walmart brand (parent's choice) formula with omega 3 & 6. Price wise it's a huge improvement. He's gone from $85.00 a week (hypoallergenic milk) to $40.00 a week (lactose free) to $18.00 a week. Way better. But more importantly than the money is that he likes it and is tolerating it well. He's a little more gassy but he's only been on it for a few days so that's to be expected.

Like I mentioned in my last paragraph - I made homemade baby food!! Yay! This is something I've known I wanted to try but figured that like breastfeeding and cloth diapers, it wouldn't happen. Reason I made it - I opened a jar of carrots and gave him some. He hated it. Made all kinds of funny faces. So I tried it myself and it was rancid. I couldn't in good faith feed that to my child when I have all the tools to make him good food (a steamer pot, magic bullet and little baby food containers). So I made it and it came out perfect and he ate some for dinner and he loved it. All worth while!

That's about all I can think of at the moment to get out of my brain and into yours. I know there's more but hopefully (cause you just never know) there will be more time to get into it. Have a gooder everyone (all one or two of my readers - lol).

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Online Poker

I'm addicted. My dearest husband put 10 bucks in my poker stars account and it's been great. I've had a lot of fun and I'm actually almost 20.00$ up. Bad thing is that lately, Scott has been wanting to play more than me. Sometimes I have to be pushy and tell him I want to play. I do pretty well too. Today I played a skills tourney and out of 1700 players, I came in 180th. I only won a penny but got lots of points toward money rewards. In the end - it doesn't matter. I have fun! In a tourney right now and first place is over 30,000. Wish me luck!! (or break a leg) lol.




- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Friday, March 4, 2011

Got an app for that?

Just trying out my new iPhone/iPad app for posting on my blog.


I can finally post pictures from my phone now! Yay!!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Monday, February 28, 2011

Permission denied

On a side note ... I have some readers coming from another blog ... Lovewaitsforyou. I've clicked on this to see where they are coming from and I don't have permission to view this blog. :0( Not a big deal - I've just always been curious on where my readers come from and was wondering who this one belonged to.

Better and a bit of randomness

I'm feeling a bit better now than I did a few days ago when I wrote my last post. Kaylee and I have been butting heads and I'm dealing with some internal struggles that make me a bit of a non-people person right now. I'm pretty ambitious right now in my head but my body is very lazy. I know what I have to do, and what I want to accomplish but it's very hard to get off my butt to actually do any of it.

It's Kaylee's birthday party this weekend! Yay for 10 annoying 8-9 year old kids invading my home and messing it up. Plus, we are having petland come with 10 different animals to show the kids. Great - my allergies will just love that. What we won't do for our children.

Soooo - that means I should be cleaning my house right now. *sigh* I don't wanna! I'm just too lazy. Plus Scott kinda peed me off so maybe if he has to come home to a messy house I'll feel like I stuck it to him somehow. LOL! That's so bad!!

I'm still debating whether we should move or not but I know it's going to be a ton of work. I thought that if the house was a bit less cluttered then it would be easier to move and then the decision whether to move or not would be easier too. I know Scott doesn't want to go anywhere but he doesn't understand how much this house DOES NOT WORK for us as a young family plus ... I've always kinda hated this house. I have some hoarding tendencies and so the house is pretty cluttered in some places. I thought that in exchange for me cleaning the house up, Scott could seriously consider listing the house this summer. He said yes in words but I know him better then that - it was a no :0( That's why I want him to come home to a messy house and realize that it's all his fault for not letting me get my own way. ((yes - that is very childish of me))

I'm gazing out my from window right now and all I see is swirling snow, wind and plain old yuckiness outside. Arg! Why do we have bills that require us to leave our home in this weather. There should be a law against it! It's the end of february. Come on spring ... you can show up anytime now ... we're waiting!

Oh yeah - good news on the job front. I got another raise. Yay! And I didn't even know about it. LOL. That's what I get for being off work for almost a year already. By the time I go back to work in October I will be making almost 9$ an hour more than I did when I left. A little shout out to the union on that one! That's a pretty nice raise if you ask me. It's enough that I'm reconsidering the whole returning to school thing right now. I may just hold off for a bit longer and let things play out.

Saturday, February 26, 2011

FML ...

and that's all I have to say about that :0(

Friday, February 25, 2011

Thank you ...

Daxon for sleeping through the night!

See I told you ... sneaky! Now I know he can do it - probably wont do it again until he's 3.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Sleep

I'm so tired. I need to sleep through the night just once (ok - maybe twice). My baby used to be a great sleeper. Hmmm, I wonder who switched out that baby for the one I have right now. This one, he knows just when to wake up so that I get a terrible sleep. I try to outsmart him but it just doesn't work. He's a sneaky little bugger! I go to bed early to try to catch up on my sleep and he wakes me up at midnight. So the next night I wait until midnight to go to bed and he sleeps until 5. Then for the next few nights he consistently wakes up at 5 so my body gets used to this and automatically wakes me up 5-10 minutes before him - as soon as that happens .... he wakes up at 3:30 instead, or 4, or sleeps all night so I'm laying there waiting for him to wake up. Arg!! Like I said - little bugger! Of course though there are those few precious perfect nights where everything works out and I'm in store for some great shut-eye ... don't forget - I have 2 kids. Its those night where it's Kaylee's turn - and she gets it right every time!

Oh wait - I have a husband remember. So it can't be that bad. Surely he must help. Hahahahahaha! NOT! (slowly shaking my head) He sleep through everything at night and then on the weekends he gets to sleep in. Hmmmm .... that's seems fair right?!? Well according to HIM it is because he WORKS!! Wow - thanks for all the support babe! I will remember that! (like FOREVER) That comment will come back when you least expect it and bite you in the butt! Just watch ...

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Holy poop batman

I know that formula fed babies had stinkier poop but ... WOW! I'm a nurse and one the many tasks I have to perform on a daily basis at work includes changing adult diapers. This has never really been much of a problem for me. When I first went into nursing I thought that this was going to be an issue. My first experience was during a practicum in a nursing home. Now don't get me wrong ... it wasn't pleasant at all, it just didn't really bother me that much. It was just part of my job. Smells don't really bother me very much either ....

So I wonder, why is it that this little tiny human can reduce this nurse with an iron stomach to tears with one or two little grunts. His poops smell soooooo bad! And they are so gross. I still think he must have some stomach issues because his diapers are NASTY! Remember the husband gagging during diaper changing video, well since then I have changed just about every poopie diaper. I've tried to get him to do it but he starts with the gagging and everything ... I can't help it - I love the man and just can't see him suffer (LMAO!!). When I leave though and he poops (I love it when he does that!!) and Scott has to deal with it on his own, I'm sure it would be quite the sight! I Got home after one of those outings and noticed that next to the change table there was a shop mask. Too cute! I guess Dax had a pretty rank one while I was out and it was the only way Scott was able to complete the task. Hehe!

Soooooo, the other day it was my turn to change the worst diaper ever and I had to resort to the little mask next to the change table. It was necessary! I still almost puked. Gross! I think someone is going to be potty trained really young ...

Sunday, February 20, 2011

4 Months

Wow, I cannot believe that my little guy is already 4 months old! I has been a heck of a ride so far but hopefully things will start settling down now. He has his 4 month well baby checkup on the 1st so I won't have all numbers until then but I'm guessing he is about 15 lbs already. Doesn't matter though cause I know he's a chunker just by those super big chipmunk cheeks of his ...
From the picture above you can also see he has rosy red cheeks too. He is in full fledged teething mode right now. I can just start to see the first tooth popping through on the bottom of his mouth. The whole thing was looking bad. He was so cranky. We had a photographer come to our house to take pictures and he ended up having to leave without finishing the shoot because Dax just wouldn't stop crying. It was pretty horrible! So last week I went and bought him a hazelwood necklace. It's so cute. My little guy looks so handsome in it.

Not only is it super stylish it's also very effective (in my opinion anyway - Scott isn't as convinced as I am). Since about 2 days after I put this necklace on him he is a completely different baby. Even my in-laws noticed the difference right away. It's amazing! He is now a happy baby! Yay! I always wanted a happy baby and now I've got one! He plays and smiles all the time. He's teething ... and is still smiling. Can you say MIRACLE!

In the past few weeks we've tried a few times to give him some food but it was pretty disasterous and he never ended up swallowing any of it. Made a good mess though and just looked at us like we were nuts! We got a few laughs out of it.

Ahhh, Gross!!

Yesterday ... on the eve of the epic 4 month birthday (the very minimum that "everyone" says it's socially acceptable to feed your baby solid foods) he actually swallowed the rice cereal and LOVED it!

Mmmmm ... he hardly even made a mess!

And he ate it all

Dax is getting to be such a big boy. He is really starting to play and interact with the world around him. While he is still too little for his excersaucer and absolutely hates the bumbo chair, he loves his jumparoo!


Not only am I feeding him solids when most people think it's too early ... I also let him watch TV, and he loves it! Every morning we watch Busytown Mysteries on CBC, then we watch Lets Make a Deal and the Price is Right. He likes this but his real TV love is watching hockey and football with Dad (or really anything as long as Dad is right there).

Like father ... like son ....

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Snow

Ahhh ... I want spring! Like NOW!! Sometimes I hate living in Saskatchewan. It was beautiful yesterday, +4C. Then it snowed .... like crazy! Now the roads are terrible and I have to shovel again. It woudn't be so bad if it was still nice out but nooooo, It's freezing again today :0( SUCKS! Winter can't possibly last forever, Can it???....

I still haven't heard from my brother about how it's going at home with the new baby. I'm still a little worried but I'm sure all is fine and they just have no extra time now that they have newborn at home with them.

Scott has a 4 day weekend starting tomorrow and Kaylee has her winter break next week so will be home all week! Ahhh! There goes our routine right out the window. LOL. It's all good ... I love my family and am glad that I will get to spend a little extra time with them.

I put one of Dax's pictures in a photo contest. I think this picture is just extra cute!

Just look at those eyelashes!

http://apps.facebook.com/johnsonsbabycanada/entry/115086?=f1b7k0 - if you decide you'd like to vote ...

I am part of an online mom's forum and just wanted to say congrats to one very special lady. We started trying for our babies at about the same time and it took me about a year to get pregnant. Now finally after month after month of heartbreaking negative pregnancy tests and many failed fertility treatment cycles she has finally got that precious little bean growing in her belly through her first IVF cycle. I'm so happy for you Sam!!

Happy Thursday everyone!!

Monday, February 14, 2011

more pictures ....

My little munchkins!

Freshly baptized


Having a great nap after mass


Me and my parents


Kaylee and Dax
Happy Vanlentine's Day!

Look at those cheeks and serious little face!



Last year

One year ago this past weekend was the opening ceremonies for the Olympic games in Vancouver, BC. One year ago this past weekend was the day that Daxon was conceived. Happy one year of existence my sweet little boy! Mommy loves you!!

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Baptism weekend

I think my expectations of myself and my family are a little too high....
We had a pretty good weekend and I'm now exhausted. On Friday I made lasagnas for supper after the baptism. I made my own noodles and all. Normally it takes me about a half hour to make a batch of noodles and since I made 2 it should have taken me about an hour. Add about an hour for the sauce and then assembly - that equals about 2 hours. Now add in a cranky teething baby = 6 hours to make 2 lasagnas. Crappy! My parents showed up about half way through my ordeal. I thought maybe they would help ... nope. They came in, brought their stuff for the weekend and then left for the hospital. I'm not real upset about this though because my mom is really worried about her brother (more about that later...). Scott was going to try to come home after lunch but he wasn't able to. In the end I was pretty tired and it was a pretty rough start to my weekend.

Saturday, Dax slept until 8:30 which was a god sent and then Scott said that I could sleep in some more. Sooo nice except the fact that Dax started screaming when Scott was changing his diaper and there was no way I could sleep through that (I didn't know why he was screaming). Oh well it was a nice gesture. We spent the day getting everything ready and then went over to his parents' house. Mass was at 5pm and we were suppose to be there about a half hour early. So we were at the IL's house and Scott, of course, was playing on the new 3D TV and waited until the last minute to get ready. Then I had to get Dax and Kaylee ready to go. It was pretty hectic.

We finally got there (late as always). They went through everything that was going to happen. I asked Scott's brother and sister in law (godparents) to be there a bit early so that they had an idea what to expect also. Of course everyone was late and only showed up a few minutes before it was time for mass to start (Scott's grandma and aunt and uncle never did make it at all). No one had an idea what to do. Then Dax started to fuss ... then cry ... and then at one point scream during mass. Father Lawrence even used Dax during his homily because of the fuss he was making. I was so embarrassed. Scott's Dad took picture for me (they ended up really nice) and Curt took a quick video of the baptism itself.  You can tell that no one knew what was going on. Then after the mass was over I wanted pictures. Everyone was getting ready to leave. I just wanted pictures. So I had to be pushy and bossy and pretty much had to make everyone stay so that I could get pictures of my son at his baptism. Sucks - but I got them.
In the end my son got baptised and that is all I really wanted.

We went back to my IL's for supper and it was all really good. We had the lasagnas and salads that I made, plus a ham and dumplings that Scott's parents made. Lloyd (Scott's dad) made a bunch of homemade pies. They were so good! My favorite is the chocolate pie. Mmmmm! Dax was so tired after all this. He was so grumpy. I managed to get just a few more pictures with his other grandma and aunt and uncle. I put him to bed on the spare bed and he fell right asleep. He was having such a good sleep. We stayed and played some games until about midnight. I was so scared to move Dax when it was time to go. I put him in the car seat and he only fussed for a minute then went right back to sleep. When we got home and I put him to bed, he fussed for about a half hour and then slept until 7am. It was such a relief. I just wish I would sleep better. I'm so overtired lately. It makes everything so much harder to handle.

Ok - enough with the play by play. That's getting pretty boring. In all it was a good weekend but all the little things that went wrong just about drove me nuts. I hate how everything with Scott's family is last minute or that they are always late. It drives me nuts!

Side notes -
-I'm gonna be an auntie again! Yay! Scott's brother and sister in law (Kelly and Alex) are pregnant. Due in October! Our babies will only be a year apart. That will be fun!
-I think my nephew Jason is home now. They were suppose to be release on Friday but I haven't heard anything. I assume they are at home now.
-My kids are cute! (But that's because they take after their mom....)      :0)

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Busy weekend ahead

I look back on some of my previous posts ... Wow I'm whiny! As much as it may not reflect it ... I am happy with my life. I have a great husband who really tries hard to help me be happy, a daughter who is going through a tough time right now but she's healthy and overall happy, and the cutest little son ever, who although had a rough start is doing extremely well. I have a beautiful house, 2 nice vehicles, a good job, etc ... I have no real reason to complain. Why is it then that I feel so miserable sometimes? Arg! I need to shape up!! Darned hormones (thats my excuse and I'm sticking to it)!

Speaking of shaping up ... I NEED to start at the gym again! I keep putting it off and I'm never going to get back at it if I keep doing that. We are planning a summer vacation that involves many bathing suits and I don't want to feel self conscious in one. I will just make myself feel terrible if I don't get on this. I should maybe start my diet plan again too. I have 18 or so weeks left of that which is roughly 4 or so months so that would put me at my goal weight just in time for summer. If I wait any longer I will be too late. Ahhhh!!! But I LOVE being lazy and eating junk food... See where my problems lay!

This weekend is Daxon's baptism. It's going to be so busy. I think I forgot to invite just about everyone. There are just a few people coming but enough that it's stressing me out already. I'm making lasagna with homemade noodles, macaroni and potato salads, and buying costco cake (I can only do so much). Ok - I'll start my diet exercise on Monday - lol - see there I go again! I still have to make everything plus need a baptism outfit for Dax. Scott doesn't get it. He thinks we just buy any random white outfit and then wear in on him until he grows out of it. Sheesh - doesn't he know you have to keep it and put it away for when he is older and maybe has a boy of his own. "shaking my head". Luckily my in-laws have offered to have the supper at their house so I don't have to spit shine my house in preparation for company.

Well I guess with all that I have to cook and get ready - I should probably get started. Have a good weekend my blog friends!

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Small changes

I guess its been a while since I wrote anything so I thought I'd better get on that.

Dax has decided to be a bit more needy lately. I think it's mostly due to his dad spoiling him rotten on his days off. I just love watching the two of them together. Dax just looks so much like his daddy. When Scott is home he seems most content just laying next to Dax on the floor watching TV together. He is just amazing with Dax. In many ways it hurts my heart that Kaylee didn't get that. She didnt get that love from her daddy. She grew up with just a mom. A mom that was very busy trying to keep a roof over our heads and still trying to figure out what to do with her life. I tried. I tried to give her a good life. I tried to show her - lead her in the right direction. Now I know she's only 8 and that there is plenty of time left. I have not given up on her at all. I just wonder sometimes if it's my fault the way she is and if she will grow out of it or if it's just the way she's always going to be. Did I screw it all up. Did I screw up my daughter. I had a pretty bad temper before I met Scott. He's done wonders for my demeanor. I once got so upset that I kicked a cupboard (go Jenn!) and broke 3 of my toes. Now I don't do that anymore but my old temper does rear it's ugly head once in a while. So anyway ... Kaylee has a pretty good little temper going on. Now I imagine this is from her learning it from me. I wish I knew how to teach her to control it. She is really mean and bossy to her friends. To everyone for that matter. She always needs to be in control. I'm like that too. I have a pretty strong type A personality and see that she is following right behind in my footsteps ... I want to show her/be more patient with her. I pep talk myself just about everyday. Today I'm going to play with her, give her more attention, help her clean her room/basement so she can learn to be responsible, and so forth. I want to lead her in a new direction.

I need to know what other families do. Scott gets home from work and he watches TV. He does that until bed, then goes to bed and watches more on his phone. I'm not ok with it while he's at work and I'm at home but once he gets home I seem to just tag along. I don't know if it's just because I want to spend time with him or because by that time I don't have a lot of energy left to do anything but sit on the couch. The other night Scott and I played cards. I'm a horrible loser and tend to whine and pout (not in front of my kids if I can help it) but it was fun and different. Is that what other families do? Do they play board games, go for walks, sit at the table for dinner or is that just in the movies. Do actual families do the same as we do. Are we more like the typical family? Dont get me wrong. I don't want to change everything. I just want to do a few things a little differently. Like eat dinner at the table as a family. Every night! I work hard making dinner and it hurts sometimes that we all just sit there eating absently while fixated on a 58" screen. I've already made the rule that Kaylee has "technology" lights out at 7:30 every night. That is 1 hour before bedtime. She can use this time instead to wind down, get ready for bed and read a book. She loves to read - but gets distracted. I want to influence her to read more. It's good for her. I would also like to not watch tv until after the kids have gone to bed, starting with just one night a week. Really this shouldn't be that hard. Scott doesn't get home until 5:30-6:00. We eat (at the table), then play a game or something of the sort. Kaylee is in bed (not sleeping but in bed) at about 8 and Dax goes to bed at about the same time. That is really only 2 hours from the time Scott gets home to the kids' bedtime. I'm gonna try it....

Dax is up now - time to start running. Lol. Have a good day everyone!

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Everyday

Wow, I'm impressed with the people who can blog everyday. I think it's really hard to accomplish that. Maybe it's just me. I guess my life isn't very interesting so its hard to come up with something to say.

Yesterday my husband stayed home with Dax and I. It was really nice. Especially because one of my fillings fell out over the weekend and had to make my first trip to the dentist in over 3 or 4 years. I was NOT looking forward to it (but was anxious to get it fixed because it hurt). I went in with a brave face and the freezing and filling weren't actually all that bad. I closed my eyes when they started with the ambesol to numb the needle area and so didn't even see when the needle was occurring. I really didn't even know it was done until they started with the drill. It was quick and pretty much painless (that part). Then they told me that I have one more filling that needed to be done at a future appointment and that my teeth needed a cleaning really badly. They got me in right away for the cleaning. That was the awful, painful and just plain old terrible part of my appointment. It hurt so bad when she was scraping at my gums that were already sore and inflamed. It took 2 appointment slots to get it all done and in the end she couldn't do the polish because my gums were too sore and swollen. The hygienist said that I did good though and that most people would have required her to freeze their mouths to get it all done (because it had been a while). I wont let it go that long again. That was so ouchy! Today though the swelling is way down and my gums feel much better! I'm pretty happy about dental insurance too as that appointment was over 600.00. I couldn't believe it. No wonders people don't go to the dentist if they aren't insured unless they have to. Wow!

Daxon is doing good. He seems to be mostly over his cold now and is sleeping better again. We average about 10 hours straight at night before he wakes up. I love it. If he goes to bed at 9 (which I think is a little too late) then he sleeps all night until 7-7:30. If he goes to bed at 7:30-8 (which is perfect) he will sleep until 5:30-6:00, have a bottle and then go back to sleep or just lay in bed and coo and babble until we get up at 7-7:30. Its very nice. He's still doing good on the lactose-free milk so we are going to be leaving him be. There is no price advantage to changing him to the regular unless we switch brands. We have not heard back from our insurance providers yet about covering the hypoallergenic milk. If they do decide to cover it we may switch back to that because he did do a bit better on it plus we would be saving money.

Not much new with Kaylee. She's just my regular ray of sunshine. Especially when she yells at me and tells me she hates me every single day! She told me that she doesn't mean it and she can't control what she says. I explained to her that she has total control over herself and she just has to learn how to do it better. It is hard to be patient with her when she frustrates me so much but I guess I have to learn too. I did tell her that if she didn't stop yelling and telling me that she hates me then I'm going to have to start punishing her - starting off with taking all her toys and playthings away. She wasn't happy about that. We had a good morning today though. It was great. I think it had a lot to do with the fact that she went to bed earlier than usual last night. I think a new earlier bedtime may be in her future...

Scott has an appointment with a surgeon on Thursday morning. I'm not sure yet if I'm worried about the whole situation or not. I will re-evaluate this on thursday afternoon.

I am having some difficulties with my career choice right now. I have never really known 100% what I wanted to do "when I grew up". You can tell this by the amount of post secondary schooling I have completed. I did always have 2 ideas though - teacher or nurse. And I have always wanted a degree - I want to be the first in my family to be a college graduate. I don't know if its because everyone said that I would never amount to anything in my life or what but it's something that I have always held on to. After I graduated high school I went to university to become a meteorologist. Wow - I had no idea ... Anyway that only lasted about 1/2 a year and I met a guy, got married and ran off to the US for a bit. Got divorced, came back and thought I'd try it again. Back to university but this time to be a psychologist. Drank a lot, partied way too much, got pregnant and flunked out pretty much. Had a baby, went on welfare, got a few minimum wage jobs and then landed at good one at a daycare. I really liked that one and I went to school and got my early childhood development certificate. I stayed in that for 2 or so years and learned that EI would pay for me to further my education. The local college was offering a course to get a youth care worker certificate. This would allow me to work in the schools as a education assistant or in the community working with youth, or social services, etc. I completed this course and really loved it. I ended up getting a job a my old high school, working with some of my old teachers. It was really neat (considering they all used to hate me - lol). I did really well and loved working with the kids (teenagers). The following year though I was transferred to the French immersion school to work as a speech and language assistant. I didn't like this very much but realized in this time that I wanted to be a teacher. It was fun and I loved working with the kids. They liked me too. It was a great connection. In January of that school year I gave up my job and started university (again) through the local college. Only this time I actually finished a term and passed all my classes with good marks. I was finally ready! Now you have to understand something with me. I'm easily distracted, very impatient, and I'm a little lazy. When something is hard, or is going to take some time I tend to look for an easy way out. I started the spring session at the U of S and was commuting 3 days a week for classes. I really hated this and it started me thinking that if I wanted to do this then I would have to move. I am not a big fan of saskatoon so I was dreading this. Plus I had all my help in North Battleford, my family, my support system. If I moved, I would be all alone (boy don't I know that now). So this line of thinking got me looking in a whole new direction. What could I do that would be easier to get done. What could I do that would not require me to leave home. I started searching the internet for courses, colleges, anything that would pay better than just a EA like I was before. I came upon the Norquest College website. This intrigued me because their classes were all online and they had a licensed practical nurse program. It wasn't the degree that I wanted but it was a good job with a relatively good paycheck. I even found funding that I could get that would help me pay for just about all of it and burseries when I graduated which would guarantee me a job. I was pumped. I didn't even think it over all that much. Sure I would have to do some nights and weekends and stuff but I was single and I had my parents to help me with Kaylee - so no big deal. I did it. I quit university and enrolled in the lpn program. I started working at the Saskatchewan Hospital as a special care aid to give me an idea of what nursing would be like and brought my school work there to do when it was slow on my night shifts. It went really well. I was flying through my classes and getting good marks. I think working at the Sask hospital gave me a false sense of what my future career was going to look like. Working there was a piece of cake, a walk in the park (literally - we did it all the time with the patients). This was all going to work out perfectly. I had a job when I was done, my schooling paid for. It was gonna be great! (no offense or regrets in the following parts - just stating how this actually turned out) When I was just about done my program I met Scott and fell in love (easily distracted again). I stopped working all the time and picking up night shifts. I spent most of my time traveling back and forth to Saskatoon to see him (even though I hated the commute). Our relationship progressed quickly which was fine for me because I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. I finished my program just after we moved in together (in Saskatoon - boo!) and I got a job on a medical ward at a hospital (not anything near what I had in mind). It is really hard work. I have never been so physically and mentally exhausted as when I get home from a 12 hour shift. This is a far cry from what I thought I would be doing with my diploma. I had visions of tame mental patients or new babies in the maternity unit. This is poopie adult diapers, festering wounds, death. I'm not very happy in this place that I am at right now. I was almost relieved that I had to go off work early due to my pregnancy (although I always wanted to be that cute pregnant nurse with the huge belly under her scrubs). I have to go back to work in October. It's february now. That is not that far off. I think of Daxon getting older and I see it not as him 3 months old but as me only 9 months away from having to go back to work. I want to be the teacher I was suppose to be. I wish everyday that I did not look at that website that day. Its funny that I had all these plans and not one of them turned out and now I am stuck in a job that I hate. I'm really unhappy about this and would like to rectify a wrong that I truly felt I did. I now live in Saskatoon. The university is a 10 minute drive from my house. I want a Monday to Friday job where I don't have be without seeing my kids and my husband for days on end. I don't want to be so exhausted when I get home from work that I don't even have the energy to do more than shower and eat then go to bed. I want to be at home for the summer, Christmas, Easter, every time my kids don't have school. I want to teach. I want to do what I felt good doing. I want to anything but what I am doing. I have panic attacks when I think about going back ther. I really hate myself and my decision making skills when I look back. My husband thinks that I should go into accounting instead. It's not a bad idea compared to some that I've had but I. Still not sure. He would be able to get me a good job. I would be home on weekends and at night with my family. I wouldn't be so exhausted that I couldn't think. I am worried though that I would do it, get my degree, work for a few years and then wish I had done the teaching thing again. I really think that I would enjoy it though because his job deals with a lot of research, reading and problem solving which I love to do. It really isn't something I have ever given any thought to. In either case I have university classes that I have to get in order to obtain a degree. I will start there and move forward as the decisions are made. In any case ... I am now a university student again! Will I get my nursing degree, teaching degree or accounting degree? Stay tuned ....

I guess I found stuff to blog about after all - LOL!!

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Just nothing

I'm sitting here at my in-laws place doing pretty much nothing. Scott's grandma is in from out of town so we were invited for dinner. Yay! No cooking for me. Everyone is playing cards but I was late so I'm not playing. I was at a baby massage class. It was pretty fun and I even got to meet a few other moms. Daxon cried the whole time which is expected of him anyway. He's now laying in his bouncy chair about to fall asleep. It is so peaceful watching a baby go to sleep. It is one of my favorite things.

I want to start going to church again. I used to go every Sunday but since I met Scott I have not gone once. Daxon is going to be baptized in 3 weeks and really wanted to go to church at least once before then. Today was going to be the day I stepped out of my comfort zone and went. I had kaylee all ready to go - then I looked at the temperature -40C. Nope. Not going. I know I was really looking for any excuse not to go. I'm scared. Maybe next week.

I've been working on some posts that have to do with my past. Some of it is quite painful. Eventually I will get them out. It has been therapeutic for me to write them.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Still sick

I ended up bringing Dax and Kaylee to the doctor yesterday - for 2 completely different reasons. Dax has a cough and I just wanted to get it checked. His cough is fine but turns out he has an ear infection. Poor guy - that was the last thing I thought he had. He's now on antibiotics. I hate to give him medication so young but it's better to be safe than sorry when it comes to their little ears.

I brought Kaylee to the doctor because about 2 weeks ago right after dinner she came to me and said that her chin area was completely numb. Being the nice mom that I am of course I thought she was exaggerating so I pinched her chin. She really had no feeling. I feel quite bad because I pinched quite hard. She then let me know that this had been going on for a few months (she just figured it wasn't anything serious). 2 nights ago she had another "episode" where her tongue went numb. That was enough for me. Doctor Courtney actually thinks that she may be having migraines. Hmmm - interesting thought. She's sending Kaylee to a neurologist to hopefully get some definitive answers. In any case I know faces just don't go numb for no reason. I just hope that it isn't something serious. On top of migraines it could also be a sign of a more serious illness such as seizures. I just hope we get the appointment quickly and everything comes back fine.

I got my prescription for my blood pressure pills refilled but didn't tell her that I'm no longer taking my birth control pills. I know in the end it's my decision but I didn't want to explain everything in front of Kaylee. I feel so much better now that I don't take them anymore. No more crazy lady for me. I can deal with lifes curveballs, Dax's crying and even Kaylee's tantrums without totally breaking down and wanting to end it all. It was getting very scary in my head for a little while there. I'm glad I figured out the problem before going to the doctor and getting medicated for depression. Not that I have any problem with medication - I just prefer not to take them unless it's totally necessary. My take on quitting the pill is that we will be as careful as possible and if we get pregnant - well we get pregnant and have another baby. I want to have at least one more baby. I think Scott does too. I would like to have them fairly close together but we'll see. I'd really like my body to get over this last (horrible) pregnancy before I have to endure another.

I have time to think about this anyway.

Monday, January 24, 2011

Sick, sick, sick

I'm really tired of being sick, or my kids being sick, or my husband being sick. This winter has been especially hard on us in the illness department. We even all got the flu shot (except Dax of course but should have gotten the antibodies through my milk).

It all started with that darn flu shot. Kaylee and I got it and a couple days later I got sick. Very sick. The ended up being induced right in the middle of the worst cold of my life. It's so hard to give birth went you have body aches, sore throat, headache, ear ache and can't breathe through your nose. It was not a great experience.

Then Scott got that same cold just days after Daxon's birth and was banned from the NICU. That was sad and made it extra hard on me that I had to spend all that time there by myself. He's had a few since then too and continues to go to work even though he's sick - bad boy!

Kaylee has had 4 colds this winter and has had to miss more school in December/January than she has in all her other school years combined.

Daxon is only 3 months old and he's already had 2 colds. Poor guy. He's a trooper though and doesn't usually seem too bothered by it. Except last night. He was up from 1-4:45. He just has this little cough and when he has a coughing fit - he wakes himself up. Then wakes me up because he wants to be re-wrapped. It was a rough night.

Now - I'm sick again. Thanks a lot Daxon! I'm sure this one is from you - which you got from Kaylee last week, and now I will probably give it to Scott next week ....

The crappy thing about being sick when you are a wife and a mom is that no one really cares how sick you are. You still have all your same responsibilities. Funny thing is ... when they (kids, husband) are sick the whole world revolves around them. That's ok - I wouldn't have it any other way.

Friday, January 21, 2011

Feeling horrible

I feel so sad. I really goofed up when I said that I was back to my boring old life again. Words like that are just asking for trouble. I feel just horrible. Remember the post where I introduced my little nephew and that he was in the NICU, well we now know why ...
It is because he has severe brain damage due to lack of oxygen at birth. I guess he had a bowel movement during the birth process and he had the cord wrapped around his neck twice and of course he was born in an ambulance.

I don't have a lot of information yet but from what my brother says he has severe damage to the motor function areas of the brain. I really don't know much more than that. My brother just says he has been diagnosed with cerebral palsy. I'm devastated. My whole family is. I look at my son and truly realize what a gift I have. My son had a true knot in his cord that if it would have tightened just a little more ... My son had the cord wrapped around his neck twice ... My son did not breathe right away ... My son had to be intubated ... Any one of those things happening could have had devastating consequences. I really am blessed.

I'm having lunch with Cory, Shelley and my mom - Leona. Then I'm going to the hospital to see the little guy.

Please pray for my brother and his little family.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Nothing new

Well I guess I'm back to my boring old life again. That's ok - I like it.

It's been so cold out that we haven't been going anywhere. It's -32 C this morning. Brrr!! But it's suppose to warm up by this afternoon and get beautiful by the weekend (+1 C - yay!!). There is a winter festival here in the city for the next 2 weeks and it will be really nice to get outside with Daxon. We did venture out to the mall yesterday just to get out of the house. Today, we have a coffee date with a friend and her 9 month old baby. Should be fun. Can't wait to actually have an adult conversation face to face with someone other than my husband.

Back to a post from last week - we never did go out on a "date night" :0( I was sad but issues came up and that's just how life is ... Hopefully this weekend we can. I explained to Scott yesterday that I just want to go out for a meal. No cooking and no cleaning up after. Mmmmm - sounds so nice!

Dax is doing decently on the new milk. He's adjusting and so are we. I think that the hypoallergenic milk really did help his colic because it's back on a bit of a smaller scale now. Plus he is now 3 months old (happy birthday buddy!) which is the magic number for colic to disappear (ok - anytime now please!). I hope he gets better soon as I'm not willing to switch his formula back (the other stuff was gross!!).

Kaylee is doing well. I think she's getting the hang of big sister now and the fact that she has to share me. Hopefully her attitude continues to improve. I've had to break out the 'timeout corner' again and it seems to be effective. I hate to place an 8 year old in timeout but it was getting to the point where we would just yell at each other. I'm trying to put aside some time just for her everyday but that's hard right now because Scott has been working late and Dax has been a little extra cranky. I will continue to try ...

Monday, January 17, 2011

Random Pictures

He's starting to like his bumbo chair more and more.
He still has a bit of a bobble head but the more he sits up, the better it's getting!
A little tummy time - that he hates!
(he started screaming about 2 seconds after this picture was taken)

Kaylee carrying around her little brother and helping mom out too!

Trying out the new highchair.
Mom can't wait to start feeding me 'real' food!!
Mom, Kaylee and Dax out in the cold.
First sleigh ride!
Kaylee and Dax hanging out

Mom - I'm wayyyy too tired for tummy time ....

Finish it off with a great big toothless grin!!