Friday, June 22, 2012

Change of date

I am now going on the 10th of July instead of the 18th.  This just works so much better for us but it's 8 days sooner ... AHHHH!! Just kidding.  I'm really very excited and scared at the same time.  I really do believe that everything is going to be ok.  Because of my bumped up date, I have to start on my full fluid/high protein diet tomorrow.  Sigh.  I know it's what I need but I'm still not looking forward to it.  Oh well ... I guess I can look at this being the last diet I will ever be on so I know I will get through it.  I have pre Pre-op diet weights and pictures that I will post tomorrow.  Have a good Friday night!!

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Food Funeral

Today is the last day of my old life.  Yes ... that means that I signed all the papers and got my surgery date.

It's on July 18th!!!!

Tomorrow I start my pre-op diet which will consist of high proteins and low carbs and be about 1000-1200 calories a day.  That will last for two weeks and then I move on to full fluids for one week and then clear fluids for the week before surgery. 

So today was my food funeral.  I went out and pigged out.  Maybe not the best idea but I wanted to do it anyway.  My husband and I went out for our anniversary date and we went to a Brazilian steakhouse.  It was fantastic. 

There is so much about my life right now that I will miss terribly.  I love food.  Simple as that. I'm not healthy though and I want to be around to watch my kids grow up.  There is so much more than I want in life so food is just going to have to be something that I give up in return for so much more. 

Goodbye old life ... Hello new me!!

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Will I be the one??

That is the question that has been running through my mind every time I think about my surgery.  "Will I be the one ..." 

... that takes a long time to recover?
... that hates the sleeve and wishes she never did the surgery?
... that doesn't lose weight?
... that has complications?
... that dies?

I guess these are questions that will be answered eventually (and if I suddenly stop blogging then maybe the last one happened). 

I have talked to a variety of different people who have had this surgery and even though there have been some post-operative complications, they have been few and far between and they have been dealt with in a very positive manner.

I'm still terrified.  I think though that it would be unhealthy for me to be any other way.  I believe that you need to have some level of apprehension when making a life changing decision.

I really do hope though that the question will be

... that has a wonderful experience, loses tons of weight, gets super healthy, recovers quickly and most importantly, doesn't die?

The Moolah

Today I got all my finances in order so that I can pay for my surgery.  I went to the bank and made a 14,000.00 deposit on my credit card. Ouch!!  I really wish I could keep the money for me ... actually in a way I am :o)  This is all about me.  My deepest desire to be healthy and slim is looking like it might actually happen.  Wow. I still can't believe it.  I'm actually going to do this!  Scary ... Crazy ... and so very, very exciting.

Sunday, June 17, 2012

A little change of scenery

It's been a loooong time since I was here! Wow! It isn't like I haven't thought about posting ... it's just that I've not really wanted to post anything. I would then have to say how I feel and how I'm doing and blah, blah, blah.  I don't like myself very much right now and don't really want to admit that to anyone.  But I will anyway....

I'm fat!! I hate myself.  I hit my top weight ... the weight that I told myself that if I ever got to it, I would kill myself.  Well that was before I had kids and a husband and I really don't want to die so I'm gonna do something about it instead of give up.  I'm determined now!!

So what am I going to do about it that I haven't already tried?  Like the hundreds of diets, costing me thousands of dollars just to have me drop weight and then gain it all back plus more ... nope.  How about exercising until the cows come home (and trust me, I live in the city, they NEVER seem to come home!!!) ... nope - not that either.

I'm going for surgery.  Yup!  Now don't you DARE think to yourself that I'm taking the easy way out.  There is nothing easy about this.  Not only am I going to Mexico to have surgery because the waiting list here is years long and I don't even qualify because I am not fat enough YET,  I have to do a 4 week pre-op diet consisting of high proteins, then full fluids and then clear fluids, then I have to go have major abdominal surgery (I will tell you more about the procedure later), then possibly up to another 8 weeks of post-op diets and then I have to change the way I eat for the rest of my life. I have to exercise and eat healthy for the rest of my life.  To me - that does not sound like an easy way out!!

About the surgery itself, I am going through a local company called Weight Loss Forever . They are phenomenal!  I will be getting the vertical sleeve gastrectomy, which is when a surgeon laproscopically removes about 80-85% of your stomach to make you eat less and consume less calories.  It also makes you less hungry because the section of the stomach that is removed produces the hunger hormone.  The way the food enters and exits your stomach is the same though so you still get all your nutrients and there's no dumping syndrome like with other bariatric surgeries. 

This is where the change of scenery comes in.  In more than one way ... not only am I going to look better and feel great, but this blog is going to become a way for me to document my journey to a new healthy me!