Almost 12 weeks ....

.... and still going strong!

Not to say this was the best thing I ever did - but this is the best thing I ever did (other then babies and husband that is). I am very happy with the results. It has been a long and hard road but the results are well worth it all. I am going to New York in a few weeks and am sooooooo looking forward to it. I am no longer self conscious about myself and my weight. I look fantastic and look better every day. There is a long way to go but everyday that I lose weight it just makes me realize that this is all possible and I will get there someday (soon).

For the numbers now
I am currently sitting at 156 lbs. YES 156!!!! Woohoo - I am down 42lbs since I started this crazy ride.

7 weeks post-op

Alright so I've been neglecting my blog here ... I know. Sorry. I have had a lot going on though, so that is my excuse ... and I'm sticking to it!! In my defense, I did have knee surgery 2 days ago and while that doesn't really excuse anything - it is the big story in my life at the moment.

Weight loss wise I am progressively loosing weight - which is a good thing, just not really at the pace that I would like to be loosing. However; I am mostly at fault in this aspect as I am not a very good "dieter". That is why I failed at every single diet I ever tried. But I am still loosing and that is what makes this so much better for me. So here are the numbers ... (In the next few days I will post some pictures to back up my claims to weight loss).

As of today I am at 164 lbs!!! That is a total weight loss of 34 lbs since I started my pre-op diet and 21 lbs since July 10th (surgery date). Not too shabby - only 34 lbs to go until my goal weight. WOOOHOOO!!!!

Post-op Week 1

Starting weight 198 lbs
Surgery date weight 185 lbs (-13 lbs)
Week 1 post-op 176 lbs (-9 lbs post-op, -22 lbs total)

Surgery On July 10th, 2012

On July 10th I had my vertical sleeve gastrectomy in Tijuana, Mexico with Dr. Pompa.

 I left Saskatoon at 6am on the 9th and got into San Diego at just after 1pm.  It was a great flight and I was feeling pretty calm.  The driver picked me up at the airport and one other couple also.  It was a nice drive through San Diego and it took about 20 minutes to get to the border.

After crossing the border we dropped off the other couple at another clinic.  I'm really glad that I wasn't getting surgery there because I would've turned around and gone back home.  It looked pretty sketchy. I have heard that some of those other places are horrible. I was sure happy that I made the decision to go with WLF!

The hotel that I was at was the Grand Hotel Tijuana.  It was pretty nice but I can imagine that years ago it was considered to be a very fancy place.  The hospital where I had my surgery was in another wing of the hotel so it was good not to have to leave.  I arrived the day prior so I was able to check out the hotel and the pool and have a little time to just relax before the big day.

Surgery day.
My surgery was scheduled for 2pm on July 10th.  I arrived at the hospital at 8am to get settled in and to do pre-op pictures, weight, ECG, and bloodwork.  My pre-op weight was 185 lbs, so I lost 13 lbs on my pre-op diet alone.

Just before 2, I was visited by the surgeon, internist and anesthesiogist.  I then got a nice little happy pill (they call it the tequila pill) and I was flying pretty high with no worries in the world.  I was wheeled into the OR, said hi to the doc and was out like a light.  I woke up at about 7pm in pretty bad shape.  I'm not gonna lie.  It sucked and I was in a whole lotta pain!!!  I guess from what I was told, I had a really big, thick stomach and Dr. Pompa had to staple my stomach and then go over it with sutures just to be sure.  That whole first night was pretty bad.  I had a lot of pain and I threw up a few times.  At about 5am I finally realised that I felt better when laying on my side so I did that and managed to get a few hours of sleep.

Day 1 post-op.
The following day was just a recovery day.  I got my catheter out and showered and just walked and relaxed all day.  I did feel better but it was still rough.  At this point I was kinda regretting my decision and just wanted my stomach and my old life back.  I was not allowed to have anything to drink and was pretty miserable. I think this was my feel sorry for myself day (I learned later that this is normal and most people have these feelings).


Day 2 post-op.
This was the day of my leak test and if all goes well ... the wonderful popsicle.  At 9 we were off to the x-ray where I had to drink a barium solution and get x-rays to make sure I didn't have a leak in my new tiny stomach. The barium that I had to drink was pretty gross.  I managed to keep it down for the first 2 pictures but then I puked it all back up.  I'm pretty fortunate that I didn't have to redo it because at that point, I don't think I would have been able to.  Back at my room, Dr. Pompa came in and gave me the good news that I had no leaks and I got the most wonderful tasting purple popsicle ever (after 3 days of nothing - anything would have been good).  I was then given instructions for my medications, got my drain out and was discharged from the hospital.  Then I checked into the hotel and got all settled in.  I had a 3 hour nap and then went down for supper. 

My supper this night (and every other one for the next three weeks) was/is and will be, chicken broth. It is actually pretty good there but the amazing thing is that I can only drink/eat about 4 oz before I am full.  It's really something that takes some getting used to. 

Day 3 post-op.
This was my relax around the pool, go shopping and have fun day.  That is also exactly what it was.  The facilitator Connie and myself were the only ones left in Mexico and so we hung out for most of the day.  We went to Starbucks in the morning where I found that I just love peppermint tea.  I even bought a tin of the stuff to take home and have on the plane.  Then we went to some little shops across the street and did some shopping.  It was a lot of fun.  We went to the hotel for a rest.  A little while later we went to Revolution Ave to do some more shopping.  It was fun.  I even managed to wear out Connie and she didn't even have surgery. 

Day 4 post-op.
Home day.  I got up and headed to the airport at 9am.  The border crossing going into the US was a lot busier and it took us about 2 hours to get through.  It was so busy but I guess that is why we leave the hospital as early as we do!!  There was a line-up at least 2 miles long of just pedestrians waiting to walk through and the car line-up was probable 5 miles long.  It was unreal. I'm sure glad that I wasn't walking!! :)

The plane ride home was pretty uneventful and I was home safe and sound by 9pm that night.  My little guy was sure happy to see mom and I very happy to see him.

P.S.  I was happy to see my daughter too but she was at a friends house and didn't get home until the next day.

Pre-Op Week 2

Still here ... just chugging along. Not too much happening other than the fact that I'M STARVING TO DEATH!!!! Or at least it feels like I am. Really I'm not, but it sure does feel like it at times. Other than that I'm doing ok.

I'm already down a few pounds. My husband was joking that I don't have to go for the surgery after all. I nicely punched him in the gut. LOL!

I'm now in my last week before surgery which is the clear fluid phase and I must admit that it does suck and I really want a steak but it is the last diet I will ever be on - so I will make due! 
Last week consisted of a full fluid diet, so basically strained soups, yogurt drink, lots of water and protein shakes. Now that I'm on my second week I downgrade to clear fluids only which is broths, clear juices, jello, water and sugar-free drinks. I am still suppose to be drinking the protein shakes only mixed with water instead of the pre-mixed ones that I was drinking. I've tried a few different kinds with just water and they all make me gag and puke. Not fun!!

I only have a week to go ... It's coming really fast. A few times in the past few days I've caught myself wondering what the hell I was thinking. Here I am, thinking of only myself, virtually putting my life at risk, leaving behind my family to do this. Am I crazy or what?!? What if something really horrible happens and I only have myself to blame? Just the thought gives me butterflies. I guess all I can do is hope and pray that I am ok and that I made the right decision. I know I need this help, I just catch myself thinking bad things once in a while.

Here are my before pictures and stats ...

June 23, 2012 / 2 weeks pre-op 
198lbs
goal weight 130lbs
68lbs to go

Change of date

I am now going on the 10th of July instead of the 18th.  This just works so much better for us but it's 8 days sooner ... AHHHH!! Just kidding.  I'm really very excited and scared at the same time.  I really do believe that everything is going to be ok.  Because of my bumped up date, I have to start on my full fluid/high protein diet tomorrow.  Sigh.  I know it's what I need but I'm still not looking forward to it.  Oh well ... I guess I can look at this being the last diet I will ever be on so I know I will get through it.  I have pre Pre-op diet weights and pictures that I will post tomorrow.  Have a good Friday night!!

Food Funeral

Today is the last day of my old life.  Yes ... that means that I signed all the papers and got my surgery date.

It's on July 18th!!!!

Tomorrow I start my pre-op diet which will consist of high proteins and low carbs and be about 1000-1200 calories a day.  That will last for two weeks and then I move on to full fluids for one week and then clear fluids for the week before surgery. 

So today was my food funeral.  I went out and pigged out.  Maybe not the best idea but I wanted to do it anyway.  My husband and I went out for our anniversary date and we went to a Brazilian steakhouse.  It was fantastic. 

There is so much about my life right now that I will miss terribly.  I love food.  Simple as that. I'm not healthy though and I want to be around to watch my kids grow up.  There is so much more than I want in life so food is just going to have to be something that I give up in return for so much more. 

Goodbye old life ... Hello new me!!

Will I be the one??

That is the question that has been running through my mind every time I think about my surgery.  "Will I be the one ..." 

... that takes a long time to recover?
... that hates the sleeve and wishes she never did the surgery?
... that doesn't lose weight?
... that has complications?
... that dies?


I guess these are questions that will be answered eventually (and if I suddenly stop blogging then maybe the last one happened). 


I have talked to a variety of different people who have had this surgery and even though there have been some post-operative complications, they have been few and far between and they have been dealt with in a very positive manner.


I'm still terrified.  I think though that it would be unhealthy for me to be any other way.  I believe that you need to have some level of apprehension when making a life changing decision.


I really do hope though that the question will be

... that has a wonderful experience, loses tons of weight, gets super healthy, recovers quickly and most importantly, doesn't die?

The Moolah

Today I got all my finances in order so that I can pay for my surgery.  I went to the bank and made a 14,000.00 deposit on my credit card. Ouch!!  I really wish I could keep the money for me ... actually in a way I am :o)  This is all about me.  My deepest desire to be healthy and slim is looking like it might actually happen.  Wow. I still can't believe it.  I'm actually going to do this!  Scary ... Crazy ... and so very, very exciting.

A little change of scenery

It's been a loooong time since I was here! Wow! It isn't like I haven't thought about posting ... it's just that I've not really wanted to post anything. I would then have to say how I feel and how I'm doing and blah, blah, blah.  I don't like myself very much right now and don't really want to admit that to anyone.  But I will anyway....


I'm fat!! I hate myself.  I hit my top weight ... the weight that I told myself that if I ever got to it, I would kill myself.  Well that was before I had kids and a husband and I really don't want to die so I'm gonna do something about it instead of give up.  I'm determined now!!


So what am I going to do about it that I haven't already tried?  Like the hundreds of diets, costing me thousands of dollars just to have me drop weight and then gain it all back plus more ... nope.  How about exercising until the cows come home (and trust me, I live in the city, they NEVER seem to come home!!!) ... nope - not that either.


I'm going for surgery.  Yup!  Now don't you DARE think to yourself that I'm taking the easy way out.  There is nothing easy about this.  Not only am I going to Mexico to have surgery because the waiting list here is years long and I don't even qualify because I am not fat enough YET,  I have to do a 4 week pre-op diet consisting of high proteins, then full fluids and then clear fluids, then I have to go have major abdominal surgery (I will tell you more about the procedure later), then possibly up to another 8 weeks of post-op diets and then I have to change the way I eat for the rest of my life. I have to exercise and eat healthy for the rest of my life.  To me - that does not sound like an easy way out!!


About the surgery itself, I am going through a local company called Weight Loss Forever https://www.weightlossforever.ca/index.php . They are phenomenal!  I will be getting the vertical sleeve gastrectomy, which is when a surgeon laproscopically removes about 80-85% of your stomach to make you eat less and consume less calories.  It also makes you less hungry because the section of the stomach that is removed produces the hunger hormone.  The way the food enters and exits your stomach is the same though so you still get all your nutrients and there's no dumping syndrome like with other bariatric surgeries. 


This is where the change of scenery comes in.  In more than one way ... not only am I going to look better and feel great, but this blog is going to become a way for me to document my journey to a new healthy me!

Everything was fine

Don't you just hate it when doctors call to tell you that everything is fine. Scares the hell out of me. Usually when they call I'm not home so they leave a message and then I'm all freaked out thinking I'm dying or something until I can talk to them. Stupid. Well anyway though, my doctors office just called to let me know all my thyroid levels are good and to keep going with what I'm doing. Thanks. I was gonna do that anyway. I thought "no news is good news". To me that implies that if I don't hear from you everything is good and I'll just keep going with what I'm doing until the next time I see you. Thanks anyways.

Not everything is exactly ok at this very moment though. I have a stomach bug. A horrible one. I can't even keep water down. Sucks. Dax got it 2 nights ago and I guess I'm the lucky #2 to get it. He only had it for a day so I'm hoping I wake up feeling all better.

The Doctor

I went for bloodwork yesterday to check on my thyroid levels and such. Today while I was at the funeral both my family doctor's office and my specialist called for me. I'm guessing the news isn't good?.....

A Time for Everything

To everything there is a season, and
a time to every purpose under heaven:

A time to be born, and
a time to die;
a time to plant, and
a time to pluck up
that which is planted;

A time to kill, and
a time to heal;
a time to break down, and
a time to build up;

A time to weep, and
a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and
a time to dance;

A time to cast away stones, and
a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and
a time to refrain from embracing;

A time to get, and
a time to lose;
a time to keep, and
a time to cast away;

A time to rend, and
a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and
a time to speak;

A time to love, and
a time to hate;
a time of war; and
a time of peace.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

I have heard this verse twice in 5 months. Both are death from cancer.

My mom's funeral was at a church, with a priest and more people than the church could hold. I remember the priest saying that he has never seen so many people show up to a funeral in that parish. I still can't talk about it without breaking down.

Today, Kim's funeral was one that was so different. You could almost say it was unconventional. It was the saddest funeral I have ever been to. The reverend was his best friend, he cried the whole time. He had mostly friends there. They were all bikers, all brothers. The reverend didn't even know the words to the Our Father. He actually read it off the paper wrong. All the people who came to the front to talk, did so about all the parties they attended together. It was different, but it was beautiful. I held my biological mom tight as she said goodbye to her love, her soul-mate. It was heartbreaking. My heart is heavy and it hurts right now.

The 32 year old with a cane

That'll be me. I injured my knee at work a few weeks back and it's so painful.

I was bathing a patient at the bedside and I must have dropped some water on the floor. After I was done, I leaned over her to pull up the blankets and I slipped on the water. My right foot slipped out from under me and my left knee twisted and hyperextended. Instant pain and no weight bearing capabilities. Went straight to the ER at work and was told to go home and no work for a week. Went to my regular doctor and was taken off work for 2 more weeks and told to go to physiotherapy. Started physio and he thinks that's it cartilage damage along with some tears under the kneecap. It is so painful.

Now it's looking like surgery may be in my future.

Today though - I have to go get a cane to help me walk. I'm gonna look like an idiot. Not looking forward to it one bit. Maybe I can find a pink one .... I'll post a pick when I get one.

Baby Steps

That's what I'm taking right now. Baby steps.

I miss my mom terribly lately. It seems that since I've been off the anti-depressants, my ability to feel emotion is slowly returning and bringing with it the loss of my mother. I think though that it will someday bring me peace and closure.

Not today though. Today, my stepdad Kim passed away from cancer too. Today, is not a good day to look for peace in my soul. I feel terrible for Leona (my biological mom) and my sister (who lived with them and knew him way better than I did). Today, I feel raw and poisoned. Today, I hate, I am sad, and I am very mad.

Cancer. What a horrible joke to play on mankind. Lets give them technology, cell phones, food preservatives, fast food .... but then lets make it cause cancer too. Mean, cruel - not funny one bit. God, please don't let me ever get cancer and have my children feel the way I do right now.

Helpless.

I couldn't help her, there was no cure, no treatment that was worth taking, no hope. She got cancer and she died.

Helpless.

And then Kim, well he tried the treatment, the chemo that made him sick, the radiation that fried his brain and took him away well before the cancer could, the surgery that did nothing but cause him more pain. That is no cure, no treatment, no way to live your final days. He got cancer and he fought and he still died.

Helpless.

That is what cancer causes. Helplessness.

Maybe tomorrow, I can start to heal ... but today I am back at step 1. I will mourn.

Hobbies

I have too many hobbies. Plus full time nurse, full time student, full time mom & house wife. I'm busy! And I really like it. I really want a serger sewing machine but my husband is making me wait for it. Oh well, I do have a lot to keep me busy already. Here's a few hats I crocheted and sold. Love them!!


Lady bug hat (customer asked for eyes on it)

The back:



And a cute little flower one:




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Gettin' er done

My kitchen is finally coming together. I will post before and after pictures when it's all done. Boy, what a process. It's been well over 2 years since it was started! 2 YEARS!!! Last night I finally don't have wires hanging down from my cupboards. My doors are on, edging painted, drawer fronts on and all the handles are on. Now all that is left is the floor and one drawer front that needs to be shortened. Yay! I cannot wait!!
Next project - entrance way


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Off the happy pills

Yup I'm officially off the anti-depressants. Not because my doctor told me to or anything like that but because I ran out and was too lazy to go to the doctor to get a refill. Yup, I also went off them the very dangerous way, cold turkey. I don't recommend it to anyone and in hind sight, it was pretty stupid. I thought I that I didn't have any withdrawal symptoms at the time at all but now that I look back, I did, and still do once in a while. Oh well, I did it and feel so much better! Not saying that I didn't need them or that there's anything wrong with taking them, it's just that I feel I no longer needed them and do that's why I feel better now that they're gone.
The family's all doing good. We've all just gotten or are getting over a nasty bug going around. It been a month now - I sure hope we feel better soon.


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Out with the old ....

And in with 2012

Here's to hoping it's a great year. 2011 has had many ups and some very low lows. It was a roller coaster that I never want to ride again. I've taken a break from my blog because I honestly don't know if I want to parade my deepest depressed feelings and thoughts to the world (all 10 of you who read this). I'm living in a pretty sad mindset right now but am hopeful that the new year will bring new life with it.
Happy new year everyone and I hope that it's a gooder!!


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