Tuesday, February 1, 2011


Wow, I'm impressed with the people who can blog everyday. I think it's really hard to accomplish that. Maybe it's just me. I guess my life isn't very interesting so its hard to come up with something to say.

Yesterday my husband stayed home with Dax and I. It was really nice. Especially because one of my fillings fell out over the weekend and had to make my first trip to the dentist in over 3 or 4 years. I was NOT looking forward to it (but was anxious to get it fixed because it hurt). I went in with a brave face and the freezing and filling weren't actually all that bad. I closed my eyes when they started with the ambesol to numb the needle area and so didn't even see when the needle was occurring. I really didn't even know it was done until they started with the drill. It was quick and pretty much painless (that part). Then they told me that I have one more filling that needed to be done at a future appointment and that my teeth needed a cleaning really badly. They got me in right away for the cleaning. That was the awful, painful and just plain old terrible part of my appointment. It hurt so bad when she was scraping at my gums that were already sore and inflamed. It took 2 appointment slots to get it all done and in the end she couldn't do the polish because my gums were too sore and swollen. The hygienist said that I did good though and that most people would have required her to freeze their mouths to get it all done (because it had been a while). I wont let it go that long again. That was so ouchy! Today though the swelling is way down and my gums feel much better! I'm pretty happy about dental insurance too as that appointment was over 600.00. I couldn't believe it. No wonders people don't go to the dentist if they aren't insured unless they have to. Wow!

Daxon is doing good. He seems to be mostly over his cold now and is sleeping better again. We average about 10 hours straight at night before he wakes up. I love it. If he goes to bed at 9 (which I think is a little too late) then he sleeps all night until 7-7:30. If he goes to bed at 7:30-8 (which is perfect) he will sleep until 5:30-6:00, have a bottle and then go back to sleep or just lay in bed and coo and babble until we get up at 7-7:30. Its very nice. He's still doing good on the lactose-free milk so we are going to be leaving him be. There is no price advantage to changing him to the regular unless we switch brands. We have not heard back from our insurance providers yet about covering the hypoallergenic milk. If they do decide to cover it we may switch back to that because he did do a bit better on it plus we would be saving money.

Not much new with Kaylee. She's just my regular ray of sunshine. Especially when she yells at me and tells me she hates me every single day! She told me that she doesn't mean it and she can't control what she says. I explained to her that she has total control over herself and she just has to learn how to do it better. It is hard to be patient with her when she frustrates me so much but I guess I have to learn too. I did tell her that if she didn't stop yelling and telling me that she hates me then I'm going to have to start punishing her - starting off with taking all her toys and playthings away. She wasn't happy about that. We had a good morning today though. It was great. I think it had a lot to do with the fact that she went to bed earlier than usual last night. I think a new earlier bedtime may be in her future...

Scott has an appointment with a surgeon on Thursday morning. I'm not sure yet if I'm worried about the whole situation or not. I will re-evaluate this on thursday afternoon.

I am having some difficulties with my career choice right now. I have never really known 100% what I wanted to do "when I grew up". You can tell this by the amount of post secondary schooling I have completed. I did always have 2 ideas though - teacher or nurse. And I have always wanted a degree - I want to be the first in my family to be a college graduate. I don't know if its because everyone said that I would never amount to anything in my life or what but it's something that I have always held on to. After I graduated high school I went to university to become a meteorologist. Wow - I had no idea ... Anyway that only lasted about 1/2 a year and I met a guy, got married and ran off to the US for a bit. Got divorced, came back and thought I'd try it again. Back to university but this time to be a psychologist. Drank a lot, partied way too much, got pregnant and flunked out pretty much. Had a baby, went on welfare, got a few minimum wage jobs and then landed at good one at a daycare. I really liked that one and I went to school and got my early childhood development certificate. I stayed in that for 2 or so years and learned that EI would pay for me to further my education. The local college was offering a course to get a youth care worker certificate. This would allow me to work in the schools as a education assistant or in the community working with youth, or social services, etc. I completed this course and really loved it. I ended up getting a job a my old high school, working with some of my old teachers. It was really neat (considering they all used to hate me - lol). I did really well and loved working with the kids (teenagers). The following year though I was transferred to the French immersion school to work as a speech and language assistant. I didn't like this very much but realized in this time that I wanted to be a teacher. It was fun and I loved working with the kids. They liked me too. It was a great connection. In January of that school year I gave up my job and started university (again) through the local college. Only this time I actually finished a term and passed all my classes with good marks. I was finally ready! Now you have to understand something with me. I'm easily distracted, very impatient, and I'm a little lazy. When something is hard, or is going to take some time I tend to look for an easy way out. I started the spring session at the U of S and was commuting 3 days a week for classes. I really hated this and it started me thinking that if I wanted to do this then I would have to move. I am not a big fan of saskatoon so I was dreading this. Plus I had all my help in North Battleford, my family, my support system. If I moved, I would be all alone (boy don't I know that now). So this line of thinking got me looking in a whole new direction. What could I do that would be easier to get done. What could I do that would not require me to leave home. I started searching the internet for courses, colleges, anything that would pay better than just a EA like I was before. I came upon the Norquest College website. This intrigued me because their classes were all online and they had a licensed practical nurse program. It wasn't the degree that I wanted but it was a good job with a relatively good paycheck. I even found funding that I could get that would help me pay for just about all of it and burseries when I graduated which would guarantee me a job. I was pumped. I didn't even think it over all that much. Sure I would have to do some nights and weekends and stuff but I was single and I had my parents to help me with Kaylee - so no big deal. I did it. I quit university and enrolled in the lpn program. I started working at the Saskatchewan Hospital as a special care aid to give me an idea of what nursing would be like and brought my school work there to do when it was slow on my night shifts. It went really well. I was flying through my classes and getting good marks. I think working at the Sask hospital gave me a false sense of what my future career was going to look like. Working there was a piece of cake, a walk in the park (literally - we did it all the time with the patients). This was all going to work out perfectly. I had a job when I was done, my schooling paid for. It was gonna be great! (no offense or regrets in the following parts - just stating how this actually turned out) When I was just about done my program I met Scott and fell in love (easily distracted again). I stopped working all the time and picking up night shifts. I spent most of my time traveling back and forth to Saskatoon to see him (even though I hated the commute). Our relationship progressed quickly which was fine for me because I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. I finished my program just after we moved in together (in Saskatoon - boo!) and I got a job on a medical ward at a hospital (not anything near what I had in mind). It is really hard work. I have never been so physically and mentally exhausted as when I get home from a 12 hour shift. This is a far cry from what I thought I would be doing with my diploma. I had visions of tame mental patients or new babies in the maternity unit. This is poopie adult diapers, festering wounds, death. I'm not very happy in this place that I am at right now. I was almost relieved that I had to go off work early due to my pregnancy (although I always wanted to be that cute pregnant nurse with the huge belly under her scrubs). I have to go back to work in October. It's february now. That is not that far off. I think of Daxon getting older and I see it not as him 3 months old but as me only 9 months away from having to go back to work. I want to be the teacher I was suppose to be. I wish everyday that I did not look at that website that day. Its funny that I had all these plans and not one of them turned out and now I am stuck in a job that I hate. I'm really unhappy about this and would like to rectify a wrong that I truly felt I did. I now live in Saskatoon. The university is a 10 minute drive from my house. I want a Monday to Friday job where I don't have be without seeing my kids and my husband for days on end. I don't want to be so exhausted when I get home from work that I don't even have the energy to do more than shower and eat then go to bed. I want to be at home for the summer, Christmas, Easter, every time my kids don't have school. I want to teach. I want to do what I felt good doing. I want to anything but what I am doing. I have panic attacks when I think about going back ther. I really hate myself and my decision making skills when I look back. My husband thinks that I should go into accounting instead. It's not a bad idea compared to some that I've had but I. Still not sure. He would be able to get me a good job. I would be home on weekends and at night with my family. I wouldn't be so exhausted that I couldn't think. I am worried though that I would do it, get my degree, work for a few years and then wish I had done the teaching thing again. I really think that I would enjoy it though because his job deals with a lot of research, reading and problem solving which I love to do. It really isn't something I have ever given any thought to. In either case I have university classes that I have to get in order to obtain a degree. I will start there and move forward as the decisions are made. In any case ... I am now a university student again! Will I get my nursing degree, teaching degree or accounting degree? Stay tuned ....

I guess I found stuff to blog about after all - LOL!!


  1. I can relate a lot! I was in university for way too long. Started out in Human Ecology then wanted to do Psychology but knew I would have to get a masters but was not confident in myself to do so. Then I did some Environmental Studies. Then thought about Social Work. I ended up in Education ("a two year teacher's college") and quit halfway through my second year! I was so fed up with the program and the teachers I worked with discouraged me to the point I gave up. I did go back the following year and finished (it took another year, part-time). I was very fortunate to land a permanent teaching job (half time though). But I'm still not sure if this is what I want to do. I love kids and I love helping children but I'm not sure if I'm cut out for all the curricular stuff. I wish I went into Psychology - my first choice - to become a school psychologist. Now I'm wanting to go back to school. But when? And what route do I take? Wish I could decide what I want to be when I grow up.
    I just blogged on your blog. Sorry!! Hang in there. I'm here if you ever need to talk.

  2. Thanks! I feel better that I'm not the only grown up that still is undecided on what to do with my life. Don't worry about blogging on my blog - lol - it's great!