Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Rough couple days

Its been tough the past few days. I won't lie - I think I have PPD. It sucks. I want to be happy. I want to have a good day. I wake up every morning with high hopes and in a good mood. I usually sleep well at night and that's thanks to my son who usually sleeps well at night also. I go through my days relatively the same (see previous post) until I hit a snag. It can be anything - Kaylee acting up or Daxon crying too much or even something else like yesterday when I heard that my health benefits are on hold for now until my employer can renegotiate our plan. Doesn't matter what it is ... I can't handle it. I can't handle anything anymore. If it sends me off my groove then I'm a mess. I start thinking and get upset over things that I can't change. Things like Daxon being born early because I couldn't keep my body under control, and I couldn't breastfeed because he was in the hospital and was given a bottle first and really just liked it too much (I still feel that if I just tried a little harder...). That last one is really hard still because he's on a very expensive formula and really if I just kept pumping ... See I'm doing it again.
Sigh.... Maybe I'll go see my doc. Nah... I'll keep trying to work it out on my own - I really don't feel like leaving my house again today.

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